Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Kale Salad

Kale is one of those vegetables that is considered a "superfood". A superfood is generally a marketing term to make you buy something and make you think it is supergood for you. This usually is pretty true, it is really good for you but I just want to let you know that if you eat too many blueberries, you may be pooing more often than usual. But kale is one of those foods that is totally awesomely good for you to consume and won't necessarily make you find the nearest washroom. "One cup of kale contains 36 calories, 5 grams of fiber, and 15% of the daily requirement of calcium and vitamin B6 (pyridoxine), 40% of magnesium, 180% of vitamin A, 200% of vitamin C, and 1,020% of vitamin K. It is also a good source of minerals copper, potassium, iron, manganese, and phosphorus." (The Truth About Kale by Kathleen Zelman)

Luckily, kale grows crazy well up here in the Pacific Northwest! Unluckily though, most people don't eat much of it because it isn't really a food one french fries (which I ate today with my dilly bar, thankyouverymuch).

But you know me, I am here in this world to make people recycle and eat things they don't want to. So, for you, I actually have a great kale recipe. I swear, it is nutritious, delicious, and easy as fuck to make (sorry, the eff word was uncalled for but I haven't used it in while and frankly, that just felt good).

This recipe was created by my mother and originally included top ramen and cabbage. It was one of my favorite foods growing up (and the only food my mom really made). Alas, I grew fat in high school because I ate too much top ramen. Now, I stick to kale and this revamped recipe. You should too!

All Hail the Kale Salad
Created by Muah

2T sesame seeds
1/2c slivered almonds
4 green onions, chopped
2 packs of Thai Kitchen rice noodle snack-thingies (I like green onion and garlic vegetable)
About 15 leaves of kale

The 2 packs of seasoning/oil from your noodle snack-thingies
3T agave or sugar
1/3c oil
2T balsamic vinegar

1. Crush the noodles in their package, put into a small sauce pan, and cover with water.

2. Boil the noodles for about 5 min until parboiled. Drain and rinse. Set aside.
3. Strip your kale of leaves and chop roughly.
4. Mix kale, seeds, nuts, onions, and noodles in a big bowl.
5. Mix the dressing together in a small jar and shake well.

6. Pour dressing over kale mixture and toss.

7. Eat right away or is supergood the 2nd day too! YUM!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Phone Messages - July/August

Ho-Kay, so I am going to start something new.

When I was young my mother, the creative type that she is, changed our answering machine voice message monthly. Mind you, this was back when answering machines were this boxy thing with a tape recorder that sat next to the phone in your parent's bedroom. We would huddle around the little black box and come up with great singsongs.

Our messages were always clever and I don't want to forget them. So, as the months wear on throughout the year, I will be radonmly recalling these phone messages.

I will have you know that these are not copyrighted but when you do decide to use them, please, after you sing your message add a disclaimer that says (in a totally straight movie-trailer voice), "created by Mam". That would be appreciated.

And, as a tip, if you are currently teaching your children how to answer the phone, this pharse is exteremly popular with the adult crowd when a precious 6 year old is picking up the phone, "This is Emily, who is this please?" How can you not tell the little one on the other line who the hell is calling?

Anywho, I disgress. Back to the message. I would like to start you off with our summer-time message.

Sung to "Happy Wanderers".

"We are out a wandering, along the mountain track.
And, if you leave a message, we are sure to call you back.
Valdaaaree *sung by Pah* (valdaaaree *sung by Sissy and Em*), Valdarawwww *sung by Pah* (valdarawwww *sung by Sissy and Em*), Valdaaaree *sung by dad* (valdaaaree *sung by Sissy and Em*), *everyone* Valdarah, ha, ha, ha, ha ,ha (with aburpt ending emaphsis)."

And there you have it. The best summer answering machine message ever!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Miss Bronco's Departure

My husband and I have a good relationship. We are the best of friends and get along for the most part.

But, my husband has had a mistress or two. I have talked about them before here (see number three after you click). I know their names, I have even had friendly relationships with them. They go by the names, Bronco, Gibson, and his new one, Tractor (the latter of which I have no relationship and don't plan on developing one).

And he goes into the shop for hours to hang out with these pieces of work. For hours, I say.

Recently, however; the Bronco has left. She was just chillin' in the shop for many years with mice, bees' nests, and that infamous Big Gulp that Mr Pepperworth got in 2000 and never took out. Needless to say, it was time for her to go. She needs a better mister that can take care of her. Clean 'er up. Make 'er shine.

That's why Mr Pepperworth sold her to...his brother...who is getting married in August. But, I think his new bride will be more accepting of Bronco and the time her hubby spends in the garage.

Don't get me wrong, the Bronco was my favorite too! She was fun to ride in and she is beautiful! But, it is unpractical for us to have because we don't put the money into her and well, she gets 9 miles to the gallon. Not to mention, she could kill a person with her lap belts and metal frame.

While I am sad to see her go, I am mostly sad for Mr Pepperworth who is parting with his baby of 12 years. She saw him through many phases of his life; hippy to career man to husband to farmer.

At least she is staying in the family though and Mr Pepperworth will get to visit her from time to time.

Goodbye Miss Bronco. Goodbye.


2000. Let's be honest, Young T has definitely chose a better ride nowadays.
2000. (Freak Flag Fly)
2002. Bronco and her BFF, the Able Seaman I.
The repairs of 2002 (and that effing nasty-ass Gap hat).
2004. Bronco and her BFF2, the Able Seaman II.
Moving 'er in 2010.
The "driver" of the 2010 move.
Mr Peps last day with Bronco.
Young T and his soon-to-be Bride.