Monday, June 28, 2010

The F Word

I am sure you noticed that I type f-ing this and f-ing that on my blog. I don't actually use the word fuck. I don't know if it is because my mother reads it and although she swears (though not when we were young, she would like you to know that, I know she would type it in the comments if I don't say it now) she would be somewhat disappointed in my constant use of the word or that I know other adults (because I obviously am not an adult) read my blog and I don't want everyone to think I have a dirty, dirty mouth.

However, I am here to tell you I am sorry. I do swear. I do swear alot. It's mostly when: a) I am stressed/mad and something goes wrong or b) I think it fits great in a sentence. It's a casual thing. I don't even really think about it. I am like The Dude sometimes. (honestly I think that movie and playing ultimate frisbee in college made me a lifelong potty mouth)

I don't swear at people. I just swear about them later to someone else.

You might wonder how I can work with kids (which I do) and not teach them bad words. Well, honestly, I try, I try really hard and usually I don't swear but sometimes I do. Let's see, in the last 3 years, I'd say 2 kids heard me swear. Whoops. I address it though and tell them not to be like me, I am a bad person.

Okay, anyway, back to my original story....
for the sake of my blog, I only use the actual word Fuck when I am pissed. so. get. ready.

This time I am mad.

My fucking dahlias for the wedding were all wiped out. I take that back. One survived. Out of the 15 I planted, one little one survived and is fighting off slugs when I forget to go put sluggo down. I don't even know if it is worth it honestly.
I was planning on providing my own flowers for the wedding because I grow dahlias every year and I love them so I (mom) spent a fucking shit ton of money on them and the rain wiped them out. They pretty much drowned in the 100 thousand inches of rain we had in the last month.

Do you know what this means? Seriously, do you know?
Well honey, let me tell you; it means I have to spend more money because Mother Nature, whom I love, fucked me over. *sigh* It means I will have to do one more thing and not procrastinate. I will try hard to make my centerpieces beautiful but if you come to my wedding and see dandelions as decorations don't fucking mention it.

I am not even thinking about the garden isn't growing our wedding food yet.


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Mostly Vegan (or can be vegan) Cinnamon Rolls! A couple of weekends ago, I had a craving for some cinnamon rolls (not the pumpkin ones but some good old fashion buttery yumness). I was having some company over and decided it was prefect (even though one of my guests can't even eat them due to food allergies...whoops). Usually I like cinnamon rolls during the nasty, stormy months of the year when I need some comfort food. Turns out June is one of those months here in good ole' Western Washington. (Remember when I mentioned Junuary in January to talk about how warm the weather was, well now we can say that again except to describe how shitty(!) the weather is. Again, that means bad things I am sure of it! side note: I wrote this a couple of weeks ago when I had time to be clever, another post soon will be about how the weather did in fact bring bad things, very bad things.)

Anywho, back to the f-ing aweshum Idontevenlookatthecalories plusIrunsoitdoesntmatter breakfast delectables.

Cinnamon Rolls sans Carnivorous Things
adapted from Vegan YumYum (I made these "healthier" if you can believe it)
yields 12 rolls


For Yeast Mix:
4t Active Dry Yeast (a little less than 2 packets)
1t Sugar
1c Water, don't make it above 110º F or it will kill the yeast

For Dough:
1c Soymilk (or whatever you want "milk"wise)
1/2c Sugar
1/2c Earth Balance Margarine
2t Salt
2 Ener-g Egg Replacer Eggs, prepared, optional
Yeast Mix, from above
6c All Purpose Flour, more for kneading

Dough Filling:
1/2 Cup Earth Balance Margarine, melted
1 1/2 Cups Sugar
3 Tbs Cinnamon

Pan Sauce:
1/2 Cup Earth Balance Margarine, melted
1/3 Cup Sugar

Cream Cheese Frosting :
1/4 Cup Earth Balance
1/3 Cup Cream Cheese (or Tofutti)
1 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 Cup Powdered Sugar


1. Combine yeast mixture and set aside to bubble and foam itself doing all it's chemical biznas.

2 From the dough ingredients, combine the soymilk, sugar, earth balance, salt, and ener-g eggs in a small sauce pan. Heat until butter/margarine is melted and all the ingredients are well combined. However, do not let the mixture get too hot or even boil. You should be able to put a finger in it without burning yourself.

3. The yeast should now be all frothy. Combine it with the warmed liquid you just made making sure it isn't too hot to the touch or you will kill your yeast.

4. Place 4 cups of all purpose flour in a large bowl. Add the warmed wet ingredients.

5. Beat the batter well with a (wooden) spoon. The dough will be very wet and liquid.

6. Add 2 more cups of flour and mix in partially. It won't look pretty but that's okay. Turn out the dough onto a large table/kneading surface, scraping out everything in the bowl.

7. Begin kneading. It’s going to take about 8 minutes. Add more flour only if the dough starts sticking to the table and there is no more dry flour to be worked into the dough. I didn't use very much at all. You want the dough to end up smooth and elastic, and slightly tacky, but not sticky. You should be able to knead it on a bare table without it sticking.

8. After about 8 minutes of kneading, place the dough in an oiled bowl, covered with oiled plastic wrap, to rise for 90 minutes in a warm spot.

9. Once the dough has risen completely, it’ll leave a little dent when you poke it. If it springs back, it needs more time.

10. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface and press/roll it out into a 15 x 20 inch rectangle. I didn't use a roller since the dough was so easy to manipulated, but you can use one if you want (and if you want to wash that one extra thing). :)

11. Pour the 1/2 cup of melted butter/margarine on the dough. Brush it so the dough is covered completely. It’s okay if it pools in some locations.

12. Mix together the cinnamon and sugar from the dough filling above. Sprinkle it evenly over the dough.

13. Prepare a 9" x 13" pan by pouring in the melted butter/margarine from the pan sauce ingredients above. Brush the sides of the pan so they are greased.

14. Add the sugar, spreading evenly over the bottom of pan. The pan is now ready for the buns.

15. Roll the dough up gently, starting from one of the short sides. Cut 12 rolls. Place the rolls in the pan.

16. This is where you can refridgerate the dough and bake in the morning with no need to rise again or you can even cover the buns and put them in the freezer. If you do that, take them out the day before you are going to eat them and defrost in the fridge overnight and let them warm on the counter the next day for an hour.

If you are planning to eat them right away, let them rise for 45 minutes, then bake.

17. To bake, preheat the oven to 350º F.

18. Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until golden brown and bubbly. Let cool for a few minutes.

19. To make the buns extra delicious, stir together the frosting ingredients. Resist the urge to add liquid, it will come together. Whisk until there are no lumps.

20. Serve the buns warm with frosting.

No pictures, sorry, to lazy/busy but just imagine the best cinnamon roll ever (stop thinking about Cinnabon, that's sick) and that is what the pictures would look like.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

So I lied

In Sept 2009 I posted this: Okay, that's it. I had good intentions but it was the end of September, who was I kidding? My goal of running again would have lasted about 15 days until the weather got too shitty for me to drag myself out of bed. I did get up and go to the gym in the fall/winter, which is really good for someone who honesttojesus needs at LEAST 8 hours sleep. But I didn't really burn those calories at the gym that I do when training for something. No motivation. When you don't pay an arm and a leg to an organization (that will find a place for you to run and provide you with bread, maybe a banana, at the end of a hellish day) you have no motivation to train your body to be able to run the whole race without crying/barfing the last 5 miles.
This year is different though. I paid a pretty penny to run Ragnar. It is a 12 person team relay from Blaine, WA to Langley, WA. It takes 24 hours and should be fun. It is nice to feel back in shape (although my knees aren't what they used to be at the good ole age of 24). It is a good year to feel that way too with the wedding and Hawaii!!
Anywho, my reason for posting this is to let you know how nice it is to run on county roads. The loooong roads force you to run at least 4 miles because that is one time around the block. You'd think it might feel a long way but it totally is awesome! It is nice to run at 7am when all the kids are going to school and all the cars move out of your way (although the high schoolers driving to school get a nice "F You Bastard" for failing to get out of my f-ing way, "I am a person here 'tard").
In closing, running again is nice and the county roads really are the prefect thing to run on minus the dogs sans leashes, although I have learned what dogs are where and which ones I need to kick in the face and which ones (Sandlot Dog, I'm thinking of you!) I need to run just a little faster to pass. The roads are long but not too long and hilly enough to make your bum look/feeldeepdowninyourmuscletissue like steel but not hilly enough to require a fanny pack in order to carry an inhaler for that extra puff. Booyah!