Sunday, August 8, 2010

All My Children

Samsonite Sokomoto Jr Herold Marrs. Stanley Bilbobaggins Herold Marrs. Bukowski Dew Drops in the Morning Marrs Herold. Simon Otis Spuford Herold Marrs.

With a little Gus Toford Herold on the side.

Those are all my children. Those are their legal names. I love them.

Man I can't wait to have real people children! I'll really get to use my creative side then!

Actually, while we are on the topic and I am sure people are going to start asking what our plan is on having "real people children" (which is what I plan on calling them when they are alive), I wanted to let you know that I need at least two more summers childless. Here are my reasons:

1) Today Sam was outside while the neighbor was tethering (farm word) our pasture. I was sure Sam was dead under the blades. I worry too much.

2) T has to clean up all the barf.

3) I need to go camping.

4) I need to go to Hawaii while the flights are hella cheap from Bham to an island.

5) I need to save money for....................the house I am buying in Hawaii. (F kids)

6) I don't love Simon as much as my other children yet. I apologize in advance 2nd born child. (Although I know I will love him just the same soon, he just needs to get his shit together)

7) Buk, shut the fuck up.

8) I need time to swear. I am not ready to give that up.

So now that you know, just wait until you ask if I am ready to have children. Let me get my shit together first. You won't like my children if you don't wait. Hippy kids are okay but hippy kids who push and swear and spit and laugh at the unfortunate are not.


TheAnut said...

HaHa --- My lips are not only zipped, but they have skate tape over the zipper and I don't know how to sign. I appreciate the heads up as I now know I have plenty of time to prepare 4 blankies over the next several years - 2 for girls, 2 for boys and/or that other possible gender combination and/or multiples of quadruplets or less. Will your Hawaii house be available to relatives?

Gevan said...

Actually, it's "teddering"...

The Momma said...

Lol. I'm glad to know the animal childrens' full names but I'm thinkin' you better go a little easier on the real people children.
I never knew Buk was part Native American and I'm thrilled you have honored the original Simon & Otis. I'm crackin' up every time I think of Spuford and Toford.
It's a relief to know you plan on making some personal habit changes prior to having kids. Seriously though, are you going to quit laughing every time someone gets hurt? Hope so, but doubt it.

Ms. Molly said...

good job getting the answer to this question out of the way before the wedding!