Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Poop on Santa

I am so sorry but I am having a really tough time focusing on the holidays this year.

Usually I am so looking forward to decorating the house and giving gifts but this year I have too much other stuff going on to really care (and it might happen to do with the fact I have a raging headache but hell, I live in the moment). I don't have or need a tree and I told T I will be purchasing my own gift. Such a romantic, I totally know.

Although I might be the Grinch, I gotta say, I can't wait to see family (my baby sister included) and eat, drink, and be merry until the fucking cows come home.

So....this post is to warn you all of something. Something that may ruin your Christmas season and for that I am sorry (if I cared enough to be sorry).

The M/H Household holiday letter/card that makes your season a little brighter will not be coming to your house this year (and if you never got it, it is a gem). I don't have the energy to write it and I have addressed too many damn invitations and thank yous this year. I can't make myself look up your address one more time. I can't decide on which stamp to buy at the post office (although it is the arabic stamp year). I can't make myself force T to help me any longer.

I am so sorry you won't see my babies and hear them tell you about their year. They are all tired too. Every time I try to ask Stanley want he wants me to write he begins to say, "Please tell everyone about my new pink coll..." Then he continues with, "Hiss, spat, hiss, fuck you Simon!" I turn to Buk and ask what he wants me to say, "Mah, can I go sit on the couch? Sam gone and sit on my bed. (paw on my lap) I sweet."  When I try to ask Sam, he just walks away. Don't even get me going on Simon, he talks at about 100 words a second and the only words I can make out are "ball" "outside" and "piss smell good". He has been diagnosed with many learning disabilities and several behavioral issues.

So please just read through this blog for all the highlights of 2010. There were many but I would like to end the year sitting on my couch (attempting to finish homemade gifts) and watching Mad Men. Please don't make me feel obligated to tell you again how I am going to be a farmer and how much I enjoy being married now, blah, blah, blah.

I know you will understand dear friend.

To leave you reminiscing about my past letters and hopefully forgetting that I ain't spreading holiday cheer, here are the pictures from the past M/H holidays together:


TheAnut said...

Hahaha - It's not even 7;00 AM yet and you had me laughing at a number of different levels before I even got to Mr. Hankey. Since to me, it should be about the end of Sept and/or early October, I understand.

Gevan said...

Oh dear girl - you need to relax with a drink. I consider your usually witty blog more than sufficient to make up for no witty letter this year, especially given the summer celebrations.
As Michelle's sister Chris says - take a chill pill girl!

Cherl said...

Word! The closest thing we've gotten to the "Christmas spirit" is reading The Santaland Diaries out loud.

The Momma said...

Post a new family picture on your blog and it's all good. I know Ty has a camera. As hard as it might be to get your kids all together, I imagine the outcome will be worth documenting.
Thanks for sharing your attempts at getting input for the letter. Do you let your children swear or is Stanley trying to get the soap taste out of his mouth?
Can you please go back to "f.."? Oddly, I think it would be less offensive if the Queen of England happens to read your blog.
It's fine to take a 'bye' every so often on full holiday spirit (except when you have children or grandchildren ages 2-14).

Farmers Veggie Wife said...

Sorry Ma, part of not sending the letter was also not having to take a picture. It is WAY worse then actually writing the letter!
Maybe we will do it for another holiday.

Oh yes, and I believe I did a post about when I use the words f this versus actually saying fuck. This post falls under the category of the use of fuck, not just "f". Sorry again.