The Younger, Smarter, "Taller" Version of Me

I am an older sister. You'd think that would make me smarter, prettier, taller (by .000078 of an inch), faster, and more cleanly than my sibling. That isn't the case. Except for the prettier part, oh, who am I kidding, she got the good side profile, not me. But the cleanliness, that is a tie.

I am an older sister to Sissy. I love my lil Sissy and always will with all my heart. No matter how often we yell at each other or make the other cry. That's right, we used to hit and pull hair but she will always tell you I lost because I went and told on her or I cried or did something to make her stop. Blah, blah, blah.

Anywho, my Sissy is amazing. She goes to grad school, she has long legs, she can calculate tips in her head, she can do a pretty good front walkover, and she has the exact same hair cut as me. Always. She'll tell you I copy her.

Sissy and I grew up having friends but not being able to go over to anyone's house because we didn't do our chores. Therefore, we were forced to play together. We did a shit ton of things: Oregon Trail, dress cats up and force them to sleep in baby carriers, write and direct plays, make dances, and play sports (like grab giant madrona branches, dress up in god-knows-what and proceed to hit each other). We had imaginations, I can tell you that much.

 There was this one time though were I was learning how to pitch fastpitch softball and I needed a catcher. It made perfect sense to teach my 8 year old sister how to be a catcher. Der. I strapped all the boat seat pads to her body and put her inside a chicken-wire cage. Safety first, I always say. Granted, I forgot one of the most parts...a helmet and face mask. So, when I started chucking balls at her as hard as possible she got scared and stood up. What the hell? Who stands up? Although, she may have been getting ready to run. Anywho, she stood up as I was throwing overhand (I was just warming my arm up) and she got beaned right in the nose. Whoopsie-daisy. I don't remember getting too much in trouble but I remember her getting a bloody nose and being really mad.

There was this other time that I introduced the idea of throwing all the stuffed animals in our rooms out the 3rd story windows. After about 30 items (stuffed animals, blocks, socks, underoos, knives, etc) she got caught. I can't remember where I went, I was probably trying to finish my daily chores or something precious like that. But Sissy sure did get in trouble for that.

She always told on me for swearing though. I swore a lot...as if you couldn't guess.

Although I left home when I was 18 to go to college and she left to go to a different college later, we still are the best of friends and I don't think we could live without the other. There is something about being forced to do hard labor as children that brings siblings closer together. The whining and sweat carries a deep bond.

 Some things that I love and miss about Sissy are:

8. Her dog. Gus is precious. Most of the time.

7.  We get each other on pretty much every level. We have this thing where we "talk" to each other by making sounds and not using words in the mornings when we aren't ready to use our voices.

6. Sissy is getting married this summer. It's sad not to be with her while she is getting ready to be married for the rest of her days.

5. She teaches me how to dress trendy. I don't wear new styles until she does and I know they either a) look good or b) look bad. She and I have pretty much the same body type so if she can pull it off, I know I can. She is helpful that way!

4. Sissy likes dancing and watching dance videos. I love that ish.

3. I don't go to the movies because I think it is a waste of money because it is so freakin' expensive so I just wait until I can get it free at the library 8 months later. However, there is one series of movies I always go to...Harry Potter. Sissy has always gone with me (except this last time). It is the love of the wizarding world we share.

2. We sometimes still do things that mid-20 year olds shouldn't do. We still dance, we still dress up, we still make routines, and my favorite, synchronized diving! I know Sissy doesn't love it as much as me but she does it to make me happy, even though it embarrasses her a tiny bit.

1. My Sissy scratched out all the of faces of the kids she didn't like in her preschool class pictures. Seriously, preschool. That makes me laugh so much. I remember when she scratched out faces with a needle and put hearts around the kids she did like. It proved that she wasn't a push over. If you mess with Sissy, she will kick your ass, or at least preform voo-doo on you. I like to think I taught her that.

Sissy is again away from me in California but I know she is just a phone call away. (although we never call each other, another fine trait!) Hopefully someday we will live near each other again and have children that grow up together doing the same shit we did. I hope my children love their sibling(s) (shooting for sibling) as much as I love mine. There isn't anything quite as fulfilling as having a perfect sibling.


 Previous Family Members: Mam, Pah, Mr Pepperworth

Earth Day 2011

I want Earth Day to be like Christmas. People get eco-friendly gifts, share love and stories with family and friends, and ride bikes all day. Okay so maybe riding bikes doesn’t happen in December but it does in Hawaii probably.

Tree hugger in Hawaii

Someday soon I am going to throw parties on Earth Day. We will go barefoot (vibram shoes not allowed), plant trees, drink homemade beer/wine, dance to regular music (not reggae), and eat all local food. It will be amazing.

However, since I came up with this idea ON Earth Day this year, it didn't happen full scale but it is happening on a mini-scale.

We ended up riding our bikes about 4 miles to our friends' house and then we ate some local food, including buffalo (not me though, obviously) from the buffalo farm about 2 min away from home. We then chatted and played games in candle light when it got dark. After 11pm, we biked home, up hill mind you, and it was a great ride. All in all it was a pretty good Earth Day party. I can't wait until next year when it is on Saturday. You are invited now so keep those calenders open.

Gluten Free (Vegan) Breakfast II

I miss wheat sometimes. In fact, I missed it so much last night, I ate pasta. Fresh, homemade pasta. It was worth it. Luckily, I didn't feel too bad but I definitely couldn't do that regularly.

Anywho, I LOVE eating biscuits and gravy on weekend mornings. A warm biscuit with veggie gravy and hot coffee is so delicious. Therefore, last weekend, I decided to tackle gluten-free biscuits.

They were so good and prefect to freeze! I pop them in the oven on a workday morning at 350 and then I go get dressed and in 15 - 20min, it is ready for some jam. Yum!

Gluten-Free (vegan options) Biscuits
adapted from "Gluten Free Cooking School"
yields 8 biscuits

INGREDIENTS
3/4c brown rice flour
1/2c cornstarch
1/2c arrowroot powder (or just more cornstarch)
1/4c soy flour or sorghum flour
 1t baking powder
 1t salt
3/4t baking soda
1t xanthan gum
3T butter (chilled in the freezer and grated - it is amazing how well this works) *vegan - use Earth Balance Buttery Stick*
1/2c + 1T whatever kinda milk
1/2c + 1T water
1/2T cider vinegar
1/2 egg, beaten *vegan - or the equivalent amount of egg replacer*

METHOD
1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
2. In a large mixing bowl combine the flours, baking powder, salt, baking soda, and xanthan gum.
3. Add small amounts of grated butter into the flour so that there are no large balls of grated butter. Mix with hands while adding butter.
4. Add the soy milk, water, vinegar and beaten egg to the flour and stir until the dry and liquid ingredients are combined.
5. Drop the dough onto a greased pan to make 8 biscuits or roll slightly with hands and press into small rounds.
6. Bake for 15 minutes or until golden brown.

Mouse Trap

Do you remember that game Mousetrap? In fact, I think they still sell it. It was totally a rad game but sneezus christ, it took a mother f-ing long time to set up. Honestly, what 6 year old, who is truly excited to play and see all the bells and whistles, is going to want to take the time to set it up? No one I tell ya; therefore, the game never really took. A parent wasn't about to set it up, they are doing the laundry and cleaning up the previous mess from when the kid was playing with his/her 5,478 Lincoln Logs (which mind you, they still also make!).

Anywho, that is not where I was going with all this. So let me take some giant steps back to the beginning.

As you should well know, we live in the County. Good ol' folk who pitch the hay and round up the cows for milkin' time. We are also folk that have dead mice, shrew, and other various small animals laying dead in our driveway, on the porch, on the steps, in the grass, and.....fuck.....in the mother f-ing house! Now, we are mostly cleanly people and we don't attract mice in the house but sometimes when you aren't looking the cats are buttholes and they bring in a half dead shrew.

This happened a couple weeks ago.

The story went a little something like this:

I call Mr Pepperworth because he is in the shop doing god-knows-what (something manly, like grunting) and I wanted to let him know his loving wife is home from a honest day's work. As I am doing so, I let Stanley inside because he has been out. I get off the phone and turn around toward the living room only to find Simon with something fury and black in his mouth. It takes me about two seconds to realize it is a mice and Stanley obviously brought it in because he gave it to Simon and went to go lay down on the bed, obviously after getting a crisp $10 bill from Simon.

I pick the phone right back up and have a conversation with Mr Pepperworth that went something like this:
Me - Oh god, Oh god
MP - silence
Me - (more dramatic) Oh god, there is a mouse in the house. Stanley brought a mouse in the house.
MP- Okay
Me - You need to get up here RIGHT NOW and get it. Oh gosh, oh gosh, AAAH
MP- *already hung up*

After what was much too long of a time, Mr Pepperworth gets his sweet butt in the house and has devised a plan. Since the mouse had gotten away of Simon, it ran under the couch. Mr Pepperworth decided to block off all exits besides the front door. We (he, really) would lift the couch, scare the nasty bugger and it would go out the front door. That was all fine and dandy.

Except that the mouse didn't come out. Was it still under the couch? Oh shit. We looked around although I refused to move anything. What is worse than a helpless mouse running out of the shadows straight through your legs to the shadow behind you? Nothing, nothing is worse. We didn't find it in the dark corners.

It finally dawned on us that the mouse must be IN the couch. The damn children have ripped holes in the bottom as kittens while they thought it would be fun to f with. So the mouse was in the couch and wouldn't come out. I then decided to put Simon in the couch to verify the mouse was in fact there.

Simon entering

It took Simon about 30 seconds to find the damn thing and start batting it around. It was obvious the mouse was in the couch....and it wasn't having fun. Simon was though.

Mr Pepperworth wanted to let Simon kill the thing and I said, "oh hell no, I am not going to be searching for mouse pieces over the coming years." So Mr Pepperworth had to tear a bigger hole in the bottom of the couch to extract Simon, then he extracted the mouse. Mouse went outside and on the lawn....from which he never moved.

Poor Mouse.
Good Simon.

What is the World Coming to?

I just figured out how to look at the stats for my blog. It is pretty interesting.

However, I learned something kinda sad.....

The most viewed post on my blog is this: key word Nude.

Guess what google search has brought the most outside people in. "Farmers wife nude".

Good lord people.

At least they are super sad when they click on the link and the first this it says is..."that says noodles". Hah, take that 30 year old men sitting on your mother's couch eating cheetos.

However I would like to take a moment to let those guys know they are certainly welcome to learn about food, gardens, and hippies. Although you won't find any nude pictures on the site, there sure are some really cute kitty pictures. And who doesn't love a soft kitten? So stay and enjoy. Just keep it appropriate please. Or at least as appropriate as I do.

Piss Pot

Simon. The baby.

Simon, the baby, pees on things. Things that are laying on the floor and since things lay on the floor a lot at our house, many things get peed on...but...they do have to be cloth. Buk's bed, dog feet-drying towels, my backpack, and so on and so forth.

Sam had the same problem. He lives on. In a bad way. Damn

In order to fix Sam of his problem, we sent him outside (which I know, ended in his demise but really, he wanted to be outside). But, we honestly can't handle Simon's problem anymore. I tried feeding him on Buk's bed in order to get his brain to realize he eats and sleep where he pisses. It didn't work. So, we pushed him out the door like a 30 year old son who eats cheetos on the couch all the live long day.

And boy did he enjoy it.

Yes, he is jumpin' over Stanley

Simon will only be outside with parental supervision for awhile until he can listen perfectly and we can teach him the road in a bad place. Hopefully all goes well.

Weed the Poor

Mr Pepperworth found someone in our garden the other day. It appears to be a confused homeless woman weeding. Thank god! At least someone does the f-ing weeding.